Week 1 NFL Picks: 49ers, Atl, RG3, Not Rex
My only demand about these NFL prognostications: If you lose a bet based on my advice, and Rocco the Bookie wants your ass, please don’t contact me.
I was right on the Broncos, so I’m still on pace for a perfect season.
With my most confident pick first and my least confident pick last …
COLTS 34, RAIDERS 3 AT INDIANAPOLIS — Here I thought the Raiders would be better after the old man passed. They’re worse, maybe because the old man’s son is in charge. Duck, Terrell Pryor. This is tattoo karma at work.
BUCCANEERS 27, JETS 10 AT MEADOWLANDS — Darrelle Revis could have a knee that resembles an appetizer at an Italian restaurant, and it wouldn’t matter against Geno Smith and Train Rex. Josh Freeman elevates hopes, for now.
PATRIOTS 45, BILLS 17 AT BUFFALO — EJ Manuel might be a terrific dual-threat quarterback someday, but not on this day. Tom Brady doesn’t have his full stock of receivers, but he could beat the Bills wearing Uggs.
CHIEFS 31, JAGUARS 9 AT JACKSONVILLE — Only because Little Rock wasn’t available does Jax have an NFL team. For now, let the Jaguars be easy meat for Andy Reid and Alex Smith, kindred spirits who will thrive together.
TEXANS 33, CHARGERS 13 AT SAN DIEGO — Houston is my AFC rep in the Super Bowl. Time for Matt Schaub to Flacco Up and raise his game a level. As long as Arian Foster is healthy, Texans look good for that big game up north, y’all.
REDSKINS 30, EAGLES 16 AT WASHINGTON — Between the Riley Cooper crisis and the predictable early slowdown of his ballyhooed spread offense, Chip Kelly might be preferring Eugene by the fourth quarter. RGIII lives another week.
49ERS 31, PACKERS 24 AT SAN FRANCISCO — Jim Harbaugh sounds like an NBA coach trying to manipulate officials about Packers “targeting” Colin Kaepernick. Could be Kaepernick is so elusive, targeting won’t matter.
SEAHAWKS 30, PANTHERS 20 AT CHARLOTTE — Only reason it’s not a bigger rout: Seattle struggles with long flights and the East Coast. My pick to win the Super Bowl will ride RWI (Russell Wilson) and unsung Marshawn Lynch.
RAMS 27, CARDINALS 13 AT ST. LOUIS — Time for Sam Bradford to earn some of that $50 million (gag!), now that Tavon Austin is in the house. Bruce Arians is a quarterback guru, but he can do only so much with washed-up Carson Palmer.
GIANTS 27, COWBOYS 24 — I have more faith in Dennis Rodman in North Korea than I do Tony Romo in the fourth quarter. Jerry Jones, the Mr. Magoo of sports owners, erred in not letting Romo go. Those two deserve each other.
LIONS 24, VIKINGS 14 AT DETROIT — Ponder this: The Vikings don’t have a quarterback, making it more difficult for awesome Adrian Peterson to break all-time records. Reggie Bush takes pressure off Matthew Stafford, Megatron.
STEELERS 17, TITANS 12 AT PITTSBURGH — As Steelers age, Ben Roethlisberger still has points to prove. Such as: He could sleepwalk and outplay Jake Locker. Make us laugh, Bud Adams, for your playoff demands in Tennessee.
BENGALS 24, BEARS 16 AT CHICAGO — James Harrison brings vigor to a sound Cincinnati defense. New coach Marc Trestman better rely on Matt Forte, because Jay Cutler is a pouty face waiting to happen in final Bears season.
FALCONS 33, SAINTS 27 — Sean Payton is a football coach, not God. The Saints will be better with him, but he can’t play linebacker on a banged-up defense, and the other Ryan (Rob) might fit in better with Bourbon Street freaks.
BROWNS 20, DOLPHINS 19 — Just a hunch, but Brandon Weeden will clean up well while Trent Richardson wears down the MIami defense. The Browns’ owner might end up in jail — paging Roger Goodell — but his team is improvedWeek 1 NFL Picks: 49ers, Atl, RG3, Not Rex by Jay Mariotti