They really are American treasures. By day, they win Super Bowls, advance the quarterbacking craft and lead multi-billion-dollar organizations with Bayou-drawling, chops-busting, follow-my-example leadership. Then it’s onto raising families, avoiding scandals, being the proud sons of Archie and Olivia …
And humoring us, again, with a mock rap video so damned hilarious that we’re starting to wonder — and I’m being serious here — if they are the funniest set of comedic brothers since Tom and Dick Smothers, who weren’t very funny.
That’s how riotous Eli and Peyton Manning — or, I should say, E-Z and $17.5-Mil — are in a new DirectTV commercial. I cannot add anything to augment what you see here, other than to point out a lyrical sequence about the beauty of watching football on a phone:
If you’re on a date with Simone
If you’re taking out a small loan
When you’re sitting on your throne
When you’re buttering a scone
You thought Robin Thicke had the song of the summer with the nude dancing girls. You thought Daft Punk and Pharrell Williams hit it with “Get Lucky.”
Old news. “Football On Your Phone” is what we’re all humming as football season begins. Ever since Peyton back-kicked Eli in the ass while touring the ESPN studios with their parents, these guys carry on the traditional love/hate between brothers in ways that must intrigue Hollywood sitcom producers. Thank goodness they are here to counteract the non-stop b.s. in sports. Used to be Peyton was the wisecracker, he of “Cut that meat” fame, and Eli was the straight man. Not anymore.
There’s Peyton/$17.5 Mil, weighing the ramifications of Alexander Graham Bell knowing that his invention was being used to watch football.
“Who cares?” Eli/E-Z shoots back. “The dude is dead.”
Almost embarrassed, Eli told reporters at New York Giants camp: “I think I will stay with my day job and keep playing football for long as possible. A one and done. A one-hit wonder probably.”
I hardly can wait for what possibly is next.