Mannings Have Become Our Comic Relief
They really are American treasures. By day, they win Super Bowls, advance the quarterbacking craft and lead multi-billion-dollar organizations with Bayou-drawling, chops-busting, follow-my-example leadership. Then it's onto raising families, avoiding scandals, being the proud sons of Archie and Olivia ?
And humoring us, again, with a mock rap video so damned hilarious that we're starting to wonder -- and I'm being serious here -- if they are the funniest set of comedic brothers since Tom and Dick Smothers, who weren't very funny.
That's how riotous Eli and Peyton Manning -- or, I should say, E-Z and $17.5-Mil -- are in a new DirectTV commercial. I cannot add anything to augment what you see here, other than to point out a lyrical sequence about the beauty of watching football on a phone:
If you're on a date with Simone
If you're taking out a small loan
When you're sitting on your throne
When you're buttering a scone
You thought Robin Thicke had the song of the summer with the nude dancing girls. You thought Daft Punk and Pharrell Williams hit it with ``Get Lucky.''
Old news. ``Football On Your Phone'' is what we're all humming as football season begins. Ever since Peyton back-kicked Eli in the ass while touring the ESPN studios with their parents, these guys carry on the traditional love/hate between brothers in ways that must intrigue Hollywood sitcom producers. Thank goodness they are here to counteract the non-stop b.s. in sports. Used to be Peyton was the wisecracker, he of ``Cut that meat'' fame, and Eli was the straight man. Not anymore.
There's Peyton/$17.5 Mil, weighing the ramifications of Alexander Graham Bell knowing that his invention was being used to watch football.
``Who cares?'' Eli/E-Z shoots back. ``The dude is dead.''
Almost embarrassed, Eli told reporters at New York Giants camp: ``I think I will stay with my day job and keep playing football for long as possible. A one and done. A one-hit wonder probably."
I hardly can wait for what possibly is next.